Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
