Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
