Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
