May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
