No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
