Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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