he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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