its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
