I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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