she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
