Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Shame - the story of my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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