I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
