I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
