um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
