made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
