I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
