Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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