Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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