Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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