worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
