take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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