I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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