I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She is in my trunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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