I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
