So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
