And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
