well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
