my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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