Im at strip club and am horny
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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