just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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