there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
