After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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