You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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