Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
