Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
