I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
