And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
