You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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