I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
