remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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