I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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