Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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