he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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