i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
