you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
