I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
