I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
