We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
