so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
