U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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