If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
