the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
